Our Daily Bread: Baha'i Hair Care

Posted on Tuesday, January 13th, 2009 at 7:24 pm

Here are several of my favorite passages from Bahá’u'lláh’s “Most Holy Book.” I think these passages open a window into the future of Bahá’í fashion.

it is not seemly to let the hair pass beyond the limit of the ears. Thus hath it been decreed by Him Who is the Lord of all worlds.

please read this paragraph. I know your eyes want to gaze at the photo below, but please resist that temptation.

I imagine that Bahá’í hippies will not have long hair like the Founding Fathers of the Bahá’í Faith, or rather if they do, they might use those aboriginal-style ear lobe inserts to extend their ears as far as they desire to grow their hair.

The Look of Rock's Future

The Look of Rock's Future

… or maybe those long-in-the-back new wave hairdos from the ’80s will be permissible. I remember when the guys in Rush all had their hair cut for Grace Under Pressure. I was so impressed by their kosher fashion that I sent them a copy of The Promise of World Peace! That was a little embarrassing, them looking so extremely anti-homophobic and me being such a pawn, but it hardly diminishes the wisdom of keeping one’s ears clear of overgrowth.

… I mean, unless you’ve got Geddy Lee’s ears. Yikes.

Here’s another window into the future:

God hath decreed, in token of His mercy unto His creatures, that semen is not unclean. Yield thanks unto Him with joy and radiance …

I think the inner significance of this is that Bahá’í Rastafarians of the future might glue their modest dreadlocks with semen, or perhaps when future Bahá’ís need a little mousse, they can come by it in an environmentally responsible manner.

I’m talking about hair mousse, of course.

Finally, here’s one the strikes close to home for yours truly:

Shave not your heads; God hath adorned them with hair, and in this there are signs from the Lord of creation to those who reflect upon the requirements of nature. He, verily, is the God of strength and wisdom.

Geeze. Did he really need to use the word reflect?

The Lizard Man does not shave his head.

Observe that the Lizard Man does not shave his head.

Unfortunately, men of the future will not be able to conceal their bald spots by shaving their heads, so I suppose bald guys will cease reproducing and will go extinct.

It’s a little sad, but all for the betterment of the species, I guess.

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4 Responses to “Our Daily Bread: Baha'i Hair Care”

  1. Amanda says:

    Funny. :)

  2. My money is on some version of the bowl-cut (or, if you’re English, a “pudding basin haircut”).

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bowl_cut“>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bowl_cut“>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bowl_cut

    Moe Howard would be the style’s greatest exponent.

    http://coolmenshair.com/2008/03/moe-howard-bowl-cut.html

    Of course, you could have a mop-top, as popularised by the Beatles.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beatle_haircut#The_mop-top_haircut

    http://img.photobucket.com/albums/g162/casillar/Beatles.png

  3. Sunita says:

    Hope so “an extinct to bald guy generation in future”
    lol

  4. George Browne says:

    What a knob.

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